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These are extracts from actual letters sent
to various City Councils and public housing authorities
throughout the UK

I challenge you not to laugh out loud !! 

 

1.      I want some repairs done to my
 cooker as it has backfired and burnt
 my knob off.

 2.      I wish to complain that my father
 hurt his ankle very badly when he
 put his foot in the hole in his back
 passage.

3.      And their 18 year old son is
 continually banging his balls against
 my fence.
4.      I wish to report that the tiles
are missing from the outside toilet roof, 
I think it was that bad wind the other night 
that blew them off.
5.      I am writing on behalf of my sink,
 which is coming away from the wall.
 6.      Will you please send someone to
mend the garden path, my wife
tripped and fell on it yesterday 
and now she is pregnant.
 7.    I request permission to remove my
 drawers in the kitchen. 50% of the
 walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster 
and the rest are plain filthy.
8.      The toilet is blocked and we
 cannot bath the children until it is
 cleared.
 9.      Will you please send a man to look
 at my water; it is a funny colour
 and not fit to drink.
 10.     Our lavatory seat is broken in
 half and is now in three pieces.
11.     I want to complain about the
 farmer across the road, every morning
 at 6:00am his cock wakes me up 
and its now getting too much for me.
 12.     The man next door has a large
 erection in the garden, which is
 unsightly and dangerous.
13.     Our kitchen floor is damp. We have
 two small children and would like
 a third so please send someone round 
to do something about it.
 14.     I am a single woman living in a
 downstairs flat and would you please
 do something about the noise 
made by the man 
I have on top of me every night.
 15.     Please send a man with the right
 tool to finish the job and satisfy
 my wife.
16.     I have had the works foreman 
down on the floor six times 
but I still have had no satisfaction.
 17.     My bush is really overgrown round
 the front and my back passage has
 fungus in it.
18.     He's got this huge tool that
 vibrates the whole house and I just
 can't take it any more.

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